


here's how the story goes

by Mayari (Paradise_of_Mary_Jane)



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Ruminations, thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-04-04 16:15:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14023947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paradise_of_Mary_Jane/pseuds/Mayari
Summary: The stories we remember aren't always what happened, and sometimes, it doesn't really matter.This is the story of Connor Murphy.Except it isn't. Not really.





	here's how the story goes

**Author's Note:**

> Uhhh, this fic has been sitting in my docs since last year and... I have very mixed feelings about the musical and it really comes out here, so yeah, I have very mixed feelings about this piece as well. I don't really mean anything with it, not really a hate piece or anything (tho it might come out as one? I'm genuinely not sure). This is just me thinking lots of things and trying to write it down. Not really a critique but also kinda a critique? 
> 
> Like I said, I have mixed feelings about the musical and some things in this are definitely not in support of it, but yeah. Take from that what you will.
> 
> Anyway, Warnings: This is Dear Evan Hansen so yeah, deals with what the musical dealt with such as suicide, mental illness, and general treatment of mental illness in society. Tread lightly.

Here is the story of Connor Murphy:

Except it isn’t, not really. 

Connor Murphy is a story, but there’s no such thing as ‘The Story of Connor Murphy.’ Does that make sense? Don’t worry. It’s not really supposed to.

It was never really about Connor, but that’s not important. Because once upon a time, there was a boy named Connor Murphy, and once upon a time there was a boy with a stutter who stumbled into his life. It may have been a little on purpose, and may have been a little of Connor’s fault, but not really. Because the boy Evan Hansen stumbled into Connor’s life, except Connor wasn’t alive anymore, because Evan Hansen actually stumbled into his death.

He wrote a letter to himself or maybe he didn’t. Maybe he wrote a letter to his friend, or his friend that wasn’t his friend yet, or this person that might have been his friend in another life, and then he didn’t write the letter at all, because Connor wrote a letter to him and that’s when it all went wrong.

Or maybe, that’s when it all went right.

Once upon a time, there was an apple orchard that closed down. Connor might have cried except we’re not really sure he went there in the first place. But there was an apple orchard, and there was a Connor Murphy, and there was an Evan Hansen. These three things are supposed to go together.

Or at least, that’s how the story goes. 

If you’re falling in a forest and there’s nobody around, did it ever really crash or even make a sound? The question’s a bit screwed up and a little bit stupid, really, like you matter more than all of reality. Like reality takes its cues from you and not the other way around. But maybe you do. Maybe  _ you  _ are that important. Anyway, things are only as real as you let them be. 

But not really. Does not knowing something make it a lie, or does that just mean you didn’t know?

Another question: if you hear the sound of a crash, did something really fall?

Verisimilitude: noun; like the real world. Not necessarily the real world, but with the appearance of one. Was the story you heard real or did it sound real? Does it matter, in the grand scheme of things?

There was a boy named Connor Murphy. We never met him. The story goes, he had a friend named Evan Hansen and they were in the apple orchard together. The story goes that they loved each other as much as any two friends could love each other.

The story goes that there was a boy named Connor Murphy and he had no friends and hated his family. He killed himself and Evan Hansen stumbled into his death.

The story goes that Evan Hansen lost a friend.

The story goes that Evan Hansen eventually moved on and lived his life.

The story goes that once upon a time, people shared and retweeted a video about suicide awareness and forgot about it a week later. The story goes that the person who posted it fell into obscurity, like people on the Internet always fall into obscurity.

The story goes that there was a suicide note. The story goes that there was a boy who died.

The story goes that there was a boy who cried.

His family grieved and his friends grieved and his school grieved and well--

The story goes that the boy had no friends but no, that can’t be right, look how many people cried for him. The story goes that his family life was bad, but look how they grieved for him. The story goes that his school wanted to kick him out, but look how they held a memorial for him.

The story goes that a boy died and the world grieved for him. That’s what will be remembered.

The dead don’t remember. The living build memorials.

And what about Connor Murphy? The story goes that Connor Murphy--

But no, that doesn’t really matter now, does it? 

The story is over.


End file.
